Well as you can probably guess from the title... yes it is true.. I am not Pregnant. and I have not been blogging either. But, I have decided to post a small update on my painful journey this past month. I figured blogging lets me vent so I have decided to return...
First, Mexico was wonderful apart from being on Clomid the whole trip (hot flashes in humidity is NOT fun). But, it was exactly what I was so desperately in need of.. until we got home! We came home to our front door lock being replaced (poor Brinton's Grandma who was house sitting for us had to call a lock smith after the lock jammed and stopped working!), a dead car battery at midnight when we landed and went to go home, a $50 cab ride to get home at midnight, and then having to get a new battery for the car, and a family member passing away.
And.. so our month of May begins...
A few weeks ago I went to the doctor to monitor my follicular development, and to ensure that the Clomid (Rd 3) is still working. I had one follicle (after the previous month having 2... and let me back up or give a small side story on this, I also was a week late this (April) cycle and had a positive pregnancy test but, as luck would have it.. I started bleeding right before Mexico.. so Rd3 of Clomid began), the one follicle however was somewhat on the small side so he asked me to come back in 2 days for another ultrasound. This was to see if the medication was working and to ensure that I had not already ovulated. I came back in 2 days and I had another ultrasound and the follicle was now perfect and then the doctor posed the question about how we would feel about doing an IUI (inter utero insemination) pretty much meaning artificial insemination, if you don't know what this is.. google it.. my husband would be horrified if I posted what he had to do... yes I will keep you all guessing :).
So, we decided we would try IUI, it is minimally invasive and it gives you a 20% chance of getting pregnant instead of the "normal" 5% for a person with a "normal" cycle and the 10% chance you have with Clomid. So that afternoon after my second ultrasound and seeing the "perfect" follicle for ovulation I got an HcG shot (the same hormone detected in pregnancy) to make me ovulate within 36 hours. The next afternoon, I went into have my minimally invasive IUI procedure. Now let me disclose here that I googled that crap out of IUI's and all it did was talk about how simple it is and that it is not painful.. I am here to tell you.. it was AWFUL and it hurt like HELL!
I will spare the details of what they did to me but it hurt so bad I almost puked and could barely walk out of the office. The doctor also suggested we have sex again to up our chances.. umm NO thank you but I felt like I just had a baby, not attempting to make one!
So then there I was, in my "2 week waiting window" as the fertility folks call it.. waiting to see if I start my period or get to pee on a stick. Well as luck would have it, I started my period.. so here I go.. Round 4 of Clomid and Round 2 of IUI.
So that is it, that is where I am at today... and actually as surprising as it may be... I am ok with this. I have come to terms with the fact that this is going to be really hard for me and my husband, and maybe we will somehow, someway get pregnant but until then we will just keep trying with whatever means are available to us at this time. Of course, I am frustrated, hopeful and an array of various hormonally induced emotions but I have to believe that there is some reason for this happening and that it will work out how it should. If not, I would go insane! (which I was there!) I am not going to lie I still get sad that I am not able to get pregnant but...this is the hand that I have been dealt, so I have to deal...
Here's to hope and welcoming back me and my blog! 'til the next ultrasound! :)
