well it's official I am a defective model when it comes to fertility!! Not completely.. though...
I went in this morning for my vaginal ultrasound and blood test results and I was feeling quite anxious but it was all pretty painless... and an answer was found nonetheless.
This is something that is a little scary but is actually an answer along this journey. And, an answer is what I have needed and wanted all along. I am very grateful to have gotten an answer.
Well I won't kill you with the suspense any longer..So here is what is going on with me:
I have an FSH level and an LH level that do not match (and they should match during certain times in a woman's menstrual cycle) meaning I am producing an insulin resistance that is making me have trouble producing a mature dominant follicle during ovulation which is essentially early stages of Polycystic Ovaraian Syndrome (PCOS). Which for me means the following:
I am having a normal menstrual cycle, which is good, and in a normal cycle one egg is released from a dominant follicle - essentially a cyst that bursts to release the egg. After ovulation the follicle remnant is transformed into a progesterone producing corpus luteum, which shrinks and disappears after approximately 12–14 days. In PCOS, there is a so called "follicular arrest", i.e., several follicles develop to a size of 5–7 mm, but not further. (thanks wikipedia for a great definition and copy and paste) and, this is what is happening with me. I am not producing a dominant follicle to produce an egg that can be fertilized. I also, have several cysts in my ovaries (not an alarming amount but several that are not maturing and just kinda hanging out) so, every month I am likely producing an egg but it is one that is essentially like cement and cannot be penetrated by sperm to become fertilized. Well the good news is I guess I could potentially develop a dominant follicle on my own and get pregnant but it could take forever. But the better news is I AM NOT NORMAL.. in fact there is something wrong and it can be treated... SO guess what stupid Dr. who would not test me.. (alot of X-rated language could be inserted here!) I am going to begin taking the next steps in this fertility process...
So officially, as soon as I get my next period I will begin taking Clomid to attempt to develop a healthy follicle to release an egg that can get fertilized. My Doctor made it seem as though this is the best chance for me I have in conceiving and I likely will get pregnant. After 2 months if this does not work I may have to pair my Clomid with taking Met Formin (sp?) to regulate my insulin resistance.
At this point, all we can do is wait and see what happens in this process and pray we get a healthy baby in 2011! I feel very relieved that something was found but, at the same time I also feel a little cheated that I am not normal like everyone else. As always, I am sure this will continue to be an emotional roller coaster but at least I do not have to wait any longer for an answer as to why not me?
Thank you all for your support in this process. I promise to keep blogging as I begin this next chapter in my fertility journey and attempting to conceive Baby Cary.
Much Love,
Ash
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
Monday, January 24, 2011
Testing... 1,2,3....
Testing,.... Testing....
Tomorrow, is the big day...
Let the testing to conceive Baby Cary begin... hopefully we will get an answer as to why "Making" Baby Cary is sooo dangg HARD.
I am feeling very anxious, excited, nervous, and hopeful about this first series of tests. I should know what my blood test results are and then I will have an ultrasound to see if those lil follicles are "maturing"... fingers crossed for what? I don't know.. an answer I guess :)
Right now all we can do is wait and see.. keep you posted...
Tomorrow, is the big day...
Let the testing to conceive Baby Cary begin... hopefully we will get an answer as to why "Making" Baby Cary is sooo dangg HARD.
I am feeling very anxious, excited, nervous, and hopeful about this first series of tests. I should know what my blood test results are and then I will have an ultrasound to see if those lil follicles are "maturing"... fingers crossed for what? I don't know.. an answer I guess :)
Right now all we can do is wait and see.. keep you posted...
Monday, January 17, 2011
so what's next?
I have not blogged in awhile. Partially, due to my mixed emotions I have been having.
I by no means want to stop my blog but I have been having mixed emotions about sharing how much is really going on.. but today while I was waiting in the doctor's office I was thinking about my blog and remembered the reason I started this blog and it is to share what a trying time this has become to get pregnant... so here is the last month or so update....(apologies for not blogging more, holidays and work got the best of my personal life) :)
I have continued to go to acupuncture and continue to have excellent benefits in my overall health from acupuncture, I really love it :)
After, starting my period right before Christmas I decided it was time to talk to my Gyno and talk about what is next, my acupuncturist fully supported me in this choice because I have had 3 full cycles of acupuncture (meaning I have gone to her for 3 full menstrual cycles and in Chinese medicine is it is thought it takes 3 full cycles to develop healthy follicles, this helps the sperm and egg meet and implant) Anyway, I went to my Gyno and she told me to just keep trying because it has not been "a year" and my reaction to this was... well I was very upset, and then I thought who are you to tell me that it has not been a year? and why should I have to wait a year? but it has been a year just so you all know. I have been off birth control for a year and I am married so having "safe" sex is not really something that is practiced often (TMI... I know) I have not been tracking my cycle and ovulation for a year though.. Therefore, I have been trying to conceive for a year. I was pretty upset by what my Gyno said at this appt. she was very harsh I felt and unwilling to listen to me. So ,at my next acupuncture visit I told her what had happened and she referred me to another doctor. And today I had my second opinion there :) I have never went to a male doctor about female problems so this was all very new.. but it turned out that...
He was super awesome! He made me feel like he was actually listening, which I did not feel happened before... he answered a lot of questions I had and explained to me what is next. He understood my frustration and said that you can always keep trying . My main frustration is what if there is something wrong with me and I have to wait forever to figure it out... like why not do some simple testing and at least know something. And, he simply put that fear aside since he is very open to doing whatever I want to do.. which is very good :) He also explained in depth what all my options were at this point in time.
and just so you all know... Fertility or being labeled Infertile is not covered by insurance... so luckily one round of testing can kind of be unnoticed and hopefully insurance will cover but the further we get into this process the more likely it is that my bank account will get emptied... So what is next you ask...
Well, I have decided to start testing. I feel very good about this choice. I know that all outsiders do not support this choice however, but these are people who don't understand what this process is like, in my opinion. And, frankly at this point it is about my mental health as well and I have to do something and know something about what is going on with me! I should not have to feel so cheated in this process, which I have. Something that is supposed to be my god given right as a woman to carry a baby is right now... not my right at all...so I feel like I should get to know why! (I get so frustrated by people offering their 2 cents when they have not walked in my shoes... maybe I shouldn't feel like that but it is very frustrating to me!)
For myself, I am so so so happy to finally start to get answers of any kind.Today, I started by getting a basic blood draw and am being tested for a lot of different things through my blood work. Since I am in my prime time for this since I am 5 days into my cycle, they are able to test a lot of different levels of hormones and other things. On the 25th I have opted to have a more invasive test. They will be doing a cervical mucus test, to make sure the sperm are able to swim when it is time to fertilize.. so gross I know.. and I will also be having an ultrasound to see if I am producing healthy follicles. If I am not producing healthy follicles... it is likely I can be treated with chlomid... but if all is normal.. more testing will have to be done... I will likely have to have a test that inserts die into my reproductive tract to make sure that I do not have any blockages in my Fallopian tubes. And then, we will go from there. I am happy the doctor is not pressuring me to do any of the these tests and this is all on my own time frame...
I am not entirely sure if these test will produce the answers I am hoping for because, truthfully at this point I do not know what I am hoping for.. am I hoping I am normal, or am I hoping there is something wrong that they can fix? It is a very confusing and difficult place to be in.. but I guess at this point all I can do is keep trying to get preggo on our own and pray that it is just taking time for us to conceive naturally... but at least now I know there is hope in the future... 2011 please be the year!
I by no means want to stop my blog but I have been having mixed emotions about sharing how much is really going on.. but today while I was waiting in the doctor's office I was thinking about my blog and remembered the reason I started this blog and it is to share what a trying time this has become to get pregnant... so here is the last month or so update....(apologies for not blogging more, holidays and work got the best of my personal life) :)
I have continued to go to acupuncture and continue to have excellent benefits in my overall health from acupuncture, I really love it :)
After, starting my period right before Christmas I decided it was time to talk to my Gyno and talk about what is next, my acupuncturist fully supported me in this choice because I have had 3 full cycles of acupuncture (meaning I have gone to her for 3 full menstrual cycles and in Chinese medicine is it is thought it takes 3 full cycles to develop healthy follicles, this helps the sperm and egg meet and implant) Anyway, I went to my Gyno and she told me to just keep trying because it has not been "a year" and my reaction to this was... well I was very upset, and then I thought who are you to tell me that it has not been a year? and why should I have to wait a year? but it has been a year just so you all know. I have been off birth control for a year and I am married so having "safe" sex is not really something that is practiced often (TMI... I know) I have not been tracking my cycle and ovulation for a year though.. Therefore, I have been trying to conceive for a year. I was pretty upset by what my Gyno said at this appt. she was very harsh I felt and unwilling to listen to me. So ,at my next acupuncture visit I told her what had happened and she referred me to another doctor. And today I had my second opinion there :) I have never went to a male doctor about female problems so this was all very new.. but it turned out that...
He was super awesome! He made me feel like he was actually listening, which I did not feel happened before... he answered a lot of questions I had and explained to me what is next. He understood my frustration and said that you can always keep trying . My main frustration is what if there is something wrong with me and I have to wait forever to figure it out... like why not do some simple testing and at least know something. And, he simply put that fear aside since he is very open to doing whatever I want to do.. which is very good :) He also explained in depth what all my options were at this point in time.
and just so you all know... Fertility or being labeled Infertile is not covered by insurance... so luckily one round of testing can kind of be unnoticed and hopefully insurance will cover but the further we get into this process the more likely it is that my bank account will get emptied... So what is next you ask...
Well, I have decided to start testing. I feel very good about this choice. I know that all outsiders do not support this choice however, but these are people who don't understand what this process is like, in my opinion. And, frankly at this point it is about my mental health as well and I have to do something and know something about what is going on with me! I should not have to feel so cheated in this process, which I have. Something that is supposed to be my god given right as a woman to carry a baby is right now... not my right at all...so I feel like I should get to know why! (I get so frustrated by people offering their 2 cents when they have not walked in my shoes... maybe I shouldn't feel like that but it is very frustrating to me!)
For myself, I am so so so happy to finally start to get answers of any kind.Today, I started by getting a basic blood draw and am being tested for a lot of different things through my blood work. Since I am in my prime time for this since I am 5 days into my cycle, they are able to test a lot of different levels of hormones and other things. On the 25th I have opted to have a more invasive test. They will be doing a cervical mucus test, to make sure the sperm are able to swim when it is time to fertilize.. so gross I know.. and I will also be having an ultrasound to see if I am producing healthy follicles. If I am not producing healthy follicles... it is likely I can be treated with chlomid... but if all is normal.. more testing will have to be done... I will likely have to have a test that inserts die into my reproductive tract to make sure that I do not have any blockages in my Fallopian tubes. And then, we will go from there. I am happy the doctor is not pressuring me to do any of the these tests and this is all on my own time frame...
I am not entirely sure if these test will produce the answers I am hoping for because, truthfully at this point I do not know what I am hoping for.. am I hoping I am normal, or am I hoping there is something wrong that they can fix? It is a very confusing and difficult place to be in.. but I guess at this point all I can do is keep trying to get preggo on our own and pray that it is just taking time for us to conceive naturally... but at least now I know there is hope in the future... 2011 please be the year!
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