I lied, about updating.. This is not about my baby making status but rather a much needed break! so away we go....
What is the perfect break from all of this chaos?
MEXICO!
We decided it was a very important that we get away and take a break so we are going to Mexico in April for Easter. We are going on an all inclusive vacation where there is a beach, sun, drinks... and pool ...sounds like the perfect recipe for relaxation to me!
I'm somewhat nervous about going to Mexico but I don't plan on leaving the resort so I should be fine :)
Cheers to Margaritas, Sun, and RR.....
Monday, March 21, 2011
Friday, March 18, 2011
If at first you don't succeed....
Well the motto is if at first you don't succeed.. try, try again.. Right?
Well..how much trying do I have to do? This trying to get preggo thing is getting very very very very exhausting not to mention a whole host of other emotions!
Yes, I am hitting the end of the positivity train and hopping on a plane to negativity, frustration, crazy town and I am a little nervous it may be a one way ticket and I am not coming back....
Yep, you guessed it another month of NEGATIVE pregnancy tests and shattered hopes and a lot of other roller coaster of emotions.
I know you are all reading this thinking well..whatever you are thinking about me and this situation but, the reality is only a small small amount of people actually get what having to struggle to get pregnant is like and the frustration is overwhelming and this process is taking it's toll. Mostly, on me and my mental health. Basically, I feel as though I am going CRAZY!
The truth is I am not happy for people when they tell me they are pregnant and I lie and say I am. People are afraid to tell "us" they are pregnant because they don't want to hurt my I feelings.. well guess what it's inevitable. People getting pregnant is part of life, I can't change my situation and right now I can't change the way my emotions come out. I feel like a walking talking bitch who is negative all of the time. I hate that people can't tell me good news and I just hate this whole situation.
I am truly grateful for the people I have in my life who listen to me (and my husband), who support us the best way they know how, and everything else you all may be doing thoughts, prayers, secret voodoo.. but I think this matter has become far bigger then I thought it would. I cry all the time, I am not a pleasant person to be around, and I am in a really bad place.
I thought that I would be able to blog about this, raise awareness and just be like oh, I can't get pregnant, blab about it and then get to tell my family, friends, my co-workers and post on my facebook.. guess what it's official we're pregnant... but, that is not the case.
So I am reporting to you blog readers that.. I am going to take a break. This is a very hard, personal issue and I am having very mixed emotions about how I let the whole world know this problem. I think for me I need some time for me and my husband to just get back to our life and not be consumed with trying to get pregnant. If it happens it happens, but right now I am not myself, I have good days and bad but mostly I have anger, frustration and doubt and I need to get back to where I am not consumed with this situation.
In reality, I don't know how this will all go but as for posting to the world my fertility news.. I am taking a break. I realized the whole world knows when I am going to get my period and I am just weirded out by this. So for now I am going to take a break from posting my failures and small successes.
Again, I am appreciative of the support and I would appreciate people to respect this choice.
As for ending this story, for now anyway...
I will let you know this, we are still medically pursuing options but as far as my medical progression may go we are going to keep this private. I think for me I thought talking about this would be good and, in many ways it has been but, right now I just feel like I am failing at something and I need to get back to feeling good again.
I feel like everyone wants to know if I am pregnant and they ask and I have to say no but maybe and I am just not able to paint a happy face on anymore and say no and/or maybe just have to wait and see.
I feel like the one's who are waiting for that big announcement, I disappoint and I am very embarrassed that I can't get pregnant and that is the honest truth. I have a host of emotions that I need to work out for myself and my husbands sake. I think the excitement has gotten lost in this process and the frustration has taken over. Don't get me wrong we would be over the moon if we ever saw a positive pregnancy test but, we never have and our hopes I think have been squashed to a point where it is very difficult to keep talking about so.. for now this blog is on a break.. I will return just not this month.... thank you again for all of the support.
Best wishes to you all.. and as for me.. wine is in my future :)
XOXO, Ash
Well..how much trying do I have to do? This trying to get preggo thing is getting very very very very exhausting not to mention a whole host of other emotions!
Yes, I am hitting the end of the positivity train and hopping on a plane to negativity, frustration, crazy town and I am a little nervous it may be a one way ticket and I am not coming back....
Yep, you guessed it another month of NEGATIVE pregnancy tests and shattered hopes and a lot of other roller coaster of emotions.
I know you are all reading this thinking well..whatever you are thinking about me and this situation but, the reality is only a small small amount of people actually get what having to struggle to get pregnant is like and the frustration is overwhelming and this process is taking it's toll. Mostly, on me and my mental health. Basically, I feel as though I am going CRAZY!
The truth is I am not happy for people when they tell me they are pregnant and I lie and say I am. People are afraid to tell "us" they are pregnant because they don't want to hurt my I feelings.. well guess what it's inevitable. People getting pregnant is part of life, I can't change my situation and right now I can't change the way my emotions come out. I feel like a walking talking bitch who is negative all of the time. I hate that people can't tell me good news and I just hate this whole situation.
I am truly grateful for the people I have in my life who listen to me (and my husband), who support us the best way they know how, and everything else you all may be doing thoughts, prayers, secret voodoo.. but I think this matter has become far bigger then I thought it would. I cry all the time, I am not a pleasant person to be around, and I am in a really bad place.
I thought that I would be able to blog about this, raise awareness and just be like oh, I can't get pregnant, blab about it and then get to tell my family, friends, my co-workers and post on my facebook.. guess what it's official we're pregnant... but, that is not the case.
So I am reporting to you blog readers that.. I am going to take a break. This is a very hard, personal issue and I am having very mixed emotions about how I let the whole world know this problem. I think for me I need some time for me and my husband to just get back to our life and not be consumed with trying to get pregnant. If it happens it happens, but right now I am not myself, I have good days and bad but mostly I have anger, frustration and doubt and I need to get back to where I am not consumed with this situation.
In reality, I don't know how this will all go but as for posting to the world my fertility news.. I am taking a break. I realized the whole world knows when I am going to get my period and I am just weirded out by this. So for now I am going to take a break from posting my failures and small successes.
Again, I am appreciative of the support and I would appreciate people to respect this choice.
As for ending this story, for now anyway...
I will let you know this, we are still medically pursuing options but as far as my medical progression may go we are going to keep this private. I think for me I thought talking about this would be good and, in many ways it has been but, right now I just feel like I am failing at something and I need to get back to feeling good again.
I feel like everyone wants to know if I am pregnant and they ask and I have to say no but maybe and I am just not able to paint a happy face on anymore and say no and/or maybe just have to wait and see.
I feel like the one's who are waiting for that big announcement, I disappoint and I am very embarrassed that I can't get pregnant and that is the honest truth. I have a host of emotions that I need to work out for myself and my husbands sake. I think the excitement has gotten lost in this process and the frustration has taken over. Don't get me wrong we would be over the moon if we ever saw a positive pregnancy test but, we never have and our hopes I think have been squashed to a point where it is very difficult to keep talking about so.. for now this blog is on a break.. I will return just not this month.... thank you again for all of the support.
Best wishes to you all.. and as for me.. wine is in my future :)
XOXO, Ash
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