so what's next?

I have not blogged in awhile. Partially, due to my mixed emotions I have been having.
I by no means want to stop my blog but I have been having mixed emotions about sharing how much is really going on.. but today while I was waiting in the doctor's office I was thinking about my blog and remembered the reason I started this blog and it is to share what a trying time this has become to get pregnant... so here is the last month or so update....(apologies for not blogging more, holidays and work got the best of my personal life) :)
I have continued to go to acupuncture and continue to have excellent benefits in my overall health from acupuncture, I really love it :)
After, starting my period right before Christmas I decided it was time to talk to my Gyno and talk about what is next, my acupuncturist fully supported me in this choice because I have had 3 full cycles of acupuncture (meaning I have gone to her for 3 full menstrual cycles and in Chinese medicine is it is thought it takes 3 full cycles to develop healthy follicles, this helps the sperm and egg meet and implant) Anyway, I went to my Gyno and she told me to just keep trying because it has not been "a year" and my reaction to this was... well I was very upset, and then I thought who are you to tell me that it has not been a year? and why should I have to wait a year? but it has been a year just so you all know. I have been off birth control for a year and I am married so having "safe" sex is not really something that is practiced often (TMI... I know) I have not been tracking my cycle and ovulation for a year though.. Therefore,  I have been trying to conceive for a year. I was pretty upset by what my Gyno said at this appt. she was very harsh I felt and unwilling to listen to me. So ,at my next acupuncture visit I told her what had happened and she referred me to another doctor. And today I had my second opinion there :) I have never went to a male doctor about female problems so this was all very new.. but it turned out that...
He was super awesome! He made me feel like he was actually listening, which I did not feel happened before... he answered a lot of questions I had and explained to me what is next. He understood my frustration and said that you can always keep trying . My main frustration is what if there is something wrong with me and I have to wait forever to figure it out... like why not do some simple testing and at least know something. And, he simply put that fear aside since he is very open to doing whatever I want to do.. which is very good :) He also explained in depth what all my options were at this point in time.
and just so you all know... Fertility or being labeled Infertile is not covered by insurance... so luckily one round of testing can kind of be unnoticed and hopefully insurance will cover but the further we get into this process the more likely it is that my bank account will get emptied... So what is next you ask...
Well, I have decided to start testing. I feel very good about this choice. I know that all outsiders do not support this choice however, but these are people who don't understand what this process is like, in my opinion. And, frankly at this point it is about my mental health as well and I have to do something and know something about what is going on with me! I should not have to feel so cheated in this process, which I have. Something that is supposed to be my god given right as a woman to carry a baby is right now... not my right at all...so I feel like I should get to know why! (I get so frustrated by people offering their 2 cents when they have not walked in my shoes... maybe I shouldn't feel like that but it is very frustrating to me!)
For myself, I am so so so happy to finally start to get answers of any kind.Today, I started by getting a basic blood draw and am being tested for a lot of different things through my blood work. Since I am in my prime time for this since I am 5 days into my cycle, they are able to test a lot of different levels of hormones and other things. On the 25th I have opted to have a more invasive test. They will be doing a cervical mucus test, to make sure the sperm are able to swim when it is time to fertilize.. so gross I know.. and I will also be having an ultrasound to see if I am producing healthy follicles. If I am not producing healthy follicles... it is likely I can be treated with chlomid... but if all is normal.. more testing will have to be done... I will likely have to have a test that inserts die into my reproductive tract to make sure that I do not have any blockages in my Fallopian tubes. And then, we will go from there. I am happy the doctor is not pressuring me to do any of the these tests and this is all on my own time frame...
I am not entirely sure if these test will produce the answers I am hoping for because, truthfully at this point I do not know what I am hoping for.. am I hoping I am normal, or am I hoping there is something wrong that they can fix? It is a very confusing and difficult place to be in.. but I guess at this point all I can do is keep trying to get preggo on our own and pray that it is just taking time for us to conceive naturally... but at least now I know there is hope in the future... 2011 please be the year!