The Aha Moment

I think that it is important to share how this blog really got started.

Well, I am a slight internalizer, I appear strong to those who do not know me "well" and only very close people knew what Brinton and I were going through so I was able to vent to some. But know one really knows what this feels like. (at least that is how I felt)
So this month after a series of rigorous acupuncture appointments and all signs and symptoms pointing to pregnancy I was very excited. Then on Friday morning, I started a very heavy period and lost it. I was crying so hard I wasn't even able to go to work, finally when I felt composed I went to work. Upon arriving to work my boss asked me how I was doing and I lost it, started bawling again. And, those that know me know I do not cry often, and I have a strict "no crying at work policy". So when I began crying I was all apologies to her (thankfully she is awesome and the most understanding boss anyone could ask for) and after 5-10 minutes of not breathing and crying uncontrollably I gained controlled and she told me I could leave but I refused, I thought why? whats the point there is nothing I can do about this. So I worked away and then when I woke up on Saturday morning I told my husband I was going to start a blog and call it Mommy Bound. He said, "OK, how long will it take you to do this.." (he was like yeah right) and that night I posted :)
Since then, many of you "anonymous" readers have sent me such encouraging messages on facebook... I will not name names but I want to share some feelings.... because these statements are so true... and I will be the first to admit lately, I have been Christmas shopping and glaring at pregnant people, and women with small babies. It is not that I am not happy for you.. I just wonder why you and not me. Would you be as good as mom as I would be? Did you even want to be pregnant? and do you even like your kid? I know it seems sick and twisted.. but the famous saying is, "you never know what it is like until you walk in their shoes".

So here are some of the wonderfully delightful words of wisdom from my fellow "young" non-preggos :)

~I feel pain about this very same in a real and sobering way. I won’t expect your experience is the same as mine, but I want you to know that I am here as a fellow non-pregger to listen anytime you would like to emotionally rant about idiot doctors, insensitive people offering their “solutions”, or the unfairness of the human body. (I think this perfectly captures what I want this blog to become and be about)

~Its such a difficult thing to go through, I find I have those moments of when I am strong, and so many moments when I am weak and on edge. (Wow, if you are a "tryer" I think this is how "we" all feel)

Thank you all for sending me your encouraging words of support and your stories. I encourage you all to post and be followers as well.. I know maybe I am more of an open book then some as this was my response to a message I received.. "Thank you and it is not too personal. I have tried it all.. ovulation tests, and lube to actually help you get preggo... yep it all.. legs in the air, positions.. diet, exercise.. and no DRINKING! this has been one heck of a challenge that is why I am blogging, to vent, to have sanity, and to let people know this is not a walk in the park... when you get on facebook every day and look at everyone's beautiful babies, and guess what I am preggo posts.. it is hard.. and I think this is what we have to do... again, thank you. :) "

Well I will leave you with that.. tomorrow I go to my weekly acupuncture appointment and will blog about what is next for me in my acupuncture treatment! :)